Some people take what they need and leave like thieves in the night and one must be willing to sacrifice all that one has for those who have very little.
They would not steal unless they really needed it.
Friends come and go. Those you have loved with such great passion eventually fade away. Old friends die, but remain eternally in one’s heart.
I am grateful that I have had a life enriched by so many. Each and every one of you, whether you like me or not continue to add new dimension and colour to a life less ordinary.
I tread water so that others may not drown.
Can you help me please? Can you show me the way? Can you be wise for me?
Occasionally my Wikipedia page is vandalized. They always do the same thing. They take down all my achievements leaving only the acts for which I am notorious. They underline every cruel adjective ever tossed my way. They remove every kind word or deed.
They want you to believe that I am only bad. That I am only capable of cruelty, vileness and loathing.
I wonder what sort of fool does that? I know some of you have found it very hard to forgive me for merely surviving against the odds. I know that you would like me to end up like Sebastian Horsley: alone and dead and cold. Frankly, when the time comes..who cares?
Chatting with Toby Mott yesterday we concluded that Sebastian maybe more interesting dead than alive. We agreed that the British art establishment ignored his life but will embrace his death.
However I may be rewritten on the pages of Wikipedia the truth is I am all the things I have been described, good and bad. Yet, in my eyes, neither as good or bad as the next man. Why is it so impossible for those who seek to devalue me to own that this might be true?
We are all made of devil and angel.
I may have made errors of judgement, lost my temper occasionally, owed some people some money but I have never raped or murdered anyone. I have never committed treason, nor have I been part of any radical conspiracy.
I have been a bit of a cunt but who the fuck isn’t?
I have no desire for legacy. When I am dead and gone the sand will cover the place where my footprints once were. The tide will wash away any evidence that I even existed.
God save me from mediocrity, from suburban thinking. God help me stay curious about everything forever and sensitive to those I love.
You know, I have never understood why people treat love so casually. When I first feel a connection with someone, when I feel that love is in the offing I am not only inspired but convinced that new love must be treated like a precious thing, as fragile as a Ming vase. If we are truly capable of romantic love then we must treat it with respect. As relationships grow the vase morphs into an old leather football that can be tossed around if needs be.
Time, familiarity, endurance, perseverance all serve to strengthen love.
I have prayed these past few months to be delivered from the worst that love has caused in me.
Have my words far outweighed my actions? It is easy to say that you love someone but maybe the word should never be spoken. Love should be like a silent film. If I truly love you, if my love is pure then you will know it and honor it.
Long chat with my mother yesterday. She sounded happy. The Women’s Institute keeping her busy. My brother’s baby will be christened on August 1st.