I bought a huge green fur hat from Marc Jacobs. It’s very warm, very green and attracts many, many comments.
The people who comment fall into three distinct groups.
1. The people who comment most are African-American men and women who approach me with huge smiles and open hearts and say wonderful things about the hat.
They tell me how happy it makes them. They ask where they could get one. They love the color. They hold me at the checkout at Trader Joe’s and ask if they can touch it. Black school kids holler across the street.
2. White woman tentatively tell me how much they like it, how warm they imagine it is. They rarely look me in the eye and their diminished confidence allows them only the slightest… but genuine opinion.
3. Gay men. I sighed writing that. Gay men. I sighed again.
When gay white men (strangers) talk to me about my hat it is always with sneering disregard. They go out of their way to say something catty and unpleasant. They look at me witheringly, their comments infused with: who do you think you are wearing that absurd hat? They dress compliments up in such a way that confuses the listener.
If the African-Americans who complement my hat had not done so I would have nothing to compare the responses of the gays. I might think I was going crazy. But I’m not.
We all know what a heartfelt compliment sounds like and the gays seem incapable of giving one… unless (of course) they want to get laid.
Here are more pictures of our brief stay in Malibu and our trip home.
On Friday night we saw Lily perform a charming play after her month of theatre camp. She played a slutty demon.
After the show I met the parents of a 12-year-old gay kid who was easily the star of the show. He is obsessed with fashion. Begging his mother to take him look at wedding dresses in Beverly Hills.
I smiled, remembering my own fashion obsessions when I was his age.
He is not having a great time at school. The other kids are mean to him and he in turn is a pain in the ass. I know that feeling too, being an obviously gay kid who spent the larger part of his childhood at war with other kids.
I rather hoped I would grow out of it but…I didn’t. I am still at war.
The entire weekend was spent rehearsing and shooting tests for the movie. I look forward to viewing the material.
After day one we met Jacob and Fielder at Laurel Hardware. The dinner was spectacular.
We scoffed the heavenly pig cheek, sharing the lamb, the char, assorted salads and the most delicious rhubarb and strawberry cobbler and roasted peaches.
The ingredients are locally sourced, incredibly fresh and the flavor combinations were perfectly well judged.
After day two of rehearsing and shooting the most dramatic scene in the film… we all took off for the local watering hole.
Boys leaping a hundred foot out of the air into the ice-cold water.
Policeman confiscating beer and … of all things… an axe. A mostly Mexican crowd they looked horrified when the cops turned up.
After my time helping out the ACLU I now know why.