Joe and I would go get dinner (usually steak) and very drunk in the Ear Bar on Spring Street.
I have wanted to get very drunk these past few nights. I have wanted to blot out everything in my fucking pea brain with a huge amount of wine and beer.
Marc bought a bottle of Montepulciano to drink with the pheasant. It smelt divine.
Woke up feeling so sad.
I am in Whitstable until Thursday then I have to get up and make a move. Must go stately home hopping. Must see the insides of huge and beautiful homes smelling of nutmeg and fir. Must sit by roaring fires. Must flay myself socially once again.
I am so disappointed. So sad. even though I know he isn’t sometimes I think I can hear him calling out to me in the night and I wake up and I think I can’t ignore him..he might need me.
Up and down on this fucking roller coaster. Up and down.