I wrote this just before I left for NYC to meet Jake prior to going to Europe.

Packed my big red suitcase. Trying to take clothes that I will actually wear rather than clothes that simply look good. We are going to be tourists in London and Paris rather than me just visiting friends. Getting away, making sense of everything. There is a great deal to make sense of. I am a little apprehensive.

Incredibly busy day yesterday. In Malibu winding things down. Lunch with a friend, back up to the house, meetings and more decisions. Dinner with a bunch of people at Soho House. Long chat with Sharon S. We are both fucking idiots when it comes to our respective love lives.

So, this is what I am flying into: the traveling companion says that he will make dinner but is going to buy Chinese food instead. He is such a selfish prick. Spends all night fucking some guy but can’t be bothered to stick to promise of making dinner for the man who is taking him to Europe.

I am so determined to walk into this situation with an open heart, with no expectations. It is going to be really hard as I am so pissed off that he didn’t make time for me.

Every night he is in town meeting new men. Tells me he is going to read my script but doesn’t. Tell’s me is going to cook dinner but doesn’t. Feeling very angry about this.

Funny eh? There are lots of posts I never bothered posting.