East 10th St,  New York City 2010 again.  The little dog and I traversed the city (east/west) three times today.  It makes us very happy.  My feet hurt.  The little dog is curled up, fast asleep, beside me.   I flew out of LAX yesterday afternoon, arrived late at JFK and miserably stayed at the JFK Comfort Inn as amazingly could not find a single room in any hotel near to where I usually stay in NYC, in fact, there wasn’t a room anywhere in Manhattan less than $1, 800 a night.

The Comfort Inn is a bit of a misnomer as it isn’t very comfortable nor is it ’in’.   My room stank of old cigarettes and feet.  Even the little dog was suspicious of the bed and refused to get under the covers.  There was a $250 fine for smuggling animals into the rooms apparently.

Thank God we didn’t know.

When I arrived I was warned not to leave the hotel because it was dangerous.  Hmmm.

“Is this the hood?”  I asked innocently.

All week I received evocative, beautiful letters from Italy, descriptive, sexy and exciting.  I await his return with delicious anticipation.   I will be back in LA ready to be there fully for him.

It delights me!  Everyday I get his beautiful loving emails. All this comfort and joy from a man who loves me and is not ashamed to say the words: I LOVE YOU.  He is sure to tell me that he loves me, to make sure that I understand what this means.  That it means something.

I came to NYC to help celebrate the birthday of a man who said he didn’t have anything to do.  Now, apparently, he is sick and unable to leave his house so it looks like I am in NYC spending money needlessly.   Call me foolish, call me an idiot tell me that I shouldn’t have made the effort!   Remind me once again; wagging your fat pink finger at me ‘what did you expect?’.

The following morning I took the subway from The Comfort Inn into the West Village where I met J&J for lunch.   It seems that VH1 is very well watched by the residents of Queens as once on the Subway I was stared at, talked about and asked for autographs.  Once up on the Soho House roof we ate an emotional lunch due to my realizing that if my friend had known he was sick the morning I flew here why didn’t he just let me know?

So, there I am on the roof of Soho House telling my best friends that I am a fucking idiot and hating myself more than any one of you could ever hate me.

I was pleased to have two of my closest friends in town.  I couldn’t actually eat my lunch because I was so ‘emotional’ and a ‘drama queen’.    I am so sick of being treated like an idiot by a man who obviously has no respect for me and considers me some kind of sappy pushover.

Oh fuck it.  I can’t be bothered to work it out.  Anyway, he got what he wanted-I am now disengaged at a much deeper level than I was before.  Totally.  It is hard not to feel like I have been used.   Needless to say my gesture of friendly goodwill has massively backfired.  Some things are just not meant to be.

That all said of course, I am happy to be home in NYC and immediately lose weight pounding the streets.  It is wonderful to be back in the city.  Wonderful to have all those faces to gaze, everyone is so handsome.  Windows to stare into, the anticipation of rain, city life at my fingertips.

The little dog loves NYC and we were up at 5.30am in Tompkins Square Park where we saw a feral cat and NO RATS.   He fixated on squirrels and I on the vagaries of this mad and exotic city.

Back at home in the East Village now.  Dan and I are catching up.

Dinner at Prune last night, I ate the mussels in lobster broth.  Delicious.

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