Arrived on Fire Island. I’m here for the next few weeks… until I decamp (via Martha’s Vineyard) to Provincetown for a month or so… then it’s LA for the rest of the summer. Nobody wants to be on the East Coast for August. Not when one has Malibu… everyone agrees that Southern California is gorgeous in August.
I finally found an affordable and rather beautiful house near Whitstable to buy. Just far enough to be close to those I love… yet out of harms way. There’s so much on the market. Everything in my old home town seems for sale. Everything.
I’m staying, as usual, in The Pines… a guest in the most gorgeous house. I stayed here last year. So many pretty things to look at, art to admire and crisp white linen to drown in at night. A fancy cooks kitchen, every utensil one could possibly wish for.
As I was winding down last night I noticed that the house is loaded with alcohol, bottles and bottles… and I am all alone. It’s odd isn’t it? What keeps me, and those who want it badly enough, away from the booze. Sober. Nobody would ever know if I took a huge gulp of something before I went to bed. Only me.
What’s stopping me from taking a drink from the well stocked bar? Even if it’s just me? I suppose… I would know and God would know. The power of ones conscience. I’d lose the only thing I’ve ever worked really hard to keep.
I realize that many people don’t get sobriety. The disease, the god part, the endless AA meetings. During the past 17 years it’s been a struggle to remain interested or focused. There’s so much to put you off. Sober people can be a big pain in the butt. The endless revolving door of people you meet who commit to sobriety then drink again, the deaths, the drama, the fucking rules… but I tell you, if this is a cult (and many say it is) I’m a happy member.
I’m cooking a very old-fashioned coq au vin. A hearty treat for a chilly May evening on Fire island.
Gorgeous day here in Malibu. Another day on the beach with the twins. They are dragging me out of the house and making me laugh. More to come. A heat wave with record-breaking temperatures. I may go into rehab sooner than I thought. Long chat with therapist/admin at Pinegrove Mental Health Facility in Hattiesburg Miss.
The film is progressing. We have a title at last.
The heaviest rainfall Southern California has ever recorded. 8.5 ins last night.
The road to my house is impassable, strewn with boulders fallen down the mountain and smashed on the road. So…no go to the house. Thankfully, the roof was repaired exactly one day before the storm so even though my house is probably, at this very moment, sliding into the ocean…at the very least it will be dry inside.
I am staying with J and J and their lively children. Their lake overflowed and I had to wade through sewage water to my ride…where to? You may very well ask! Where would I be off to on such a rancid day?
We throw ourselves even harder into helping others when we cannot shift our stinking thinking. So, with this in my nutty mind, I volunteered as a night carer in a sober living in Malibu. Awake all night, chatting with recovering addicts.
This morning I felt loads better. A bit tired.
There is nothing better than helping those who cannot help themselves.
Look!! Loads of people searching for JB on the internet! Whatever for?
JB…dear Oh dear.
This morning I spent a few moments looking at a picture of us together and I can still remember what it feels like to kiss him. From the very first to the very last. Pity that what I was kissing was such a cunt….and not in a good way.
JB!!! What have you done to me? I felt loved and complete. I will never feel like that again. Ever. Should I feel happy to have loved or resentful that I am never likely to love again?
Today…my spirits are high. Not as high as this tide tho.
The Cloud Gobbled Us Up
The rain just keeps on coming. Folk are being evacuated over in Flintridge for fear of mudslides.
I paid my water bill yesterday and I asked the gentleman there if the Los Angeles County Waterworks harvest rain water. He didn’t know. He didn’t ‘think’ so. He said, after some thought, “No, we don’t harvest the rain water.”
During the worst of yesterday’s storm the trees were bent double, the rain was smacking into the house horizontally and a waterfall pounded under the drive. Perfectly normal, I might add, for Whitstable but noteworthy for Malibu.
One storm after another smashes into Southern California and will continue to do so until Friday. After the storms pass we will have a few days of glistening palm trees and clean air affording views for miles around then the black LA dust will start building up over everything all over again.
I am guessing that this winter will be very wet. Very, very wet.
Anyhow, the Democrats lost Massatusetts. It didn’t come as any great surprise. I imagine that it suits the White House as they now have a really good excuse not to do anything other than maintain the Bush status quo. Obama will have an even better excuse after the midterms when the Dems lose both houses to the Republicans and the arguments get easier. I am surprised we don’t all just start talking about terrorists again. It’s so much easier than discussing healthcare or equality for the gays.
Today Obama is ‘all up in my grill’ screaming at the banks-more hollow words from a president who sucks on the cock of the banking/insurance industries.
The problem with New Agers is that they don’t get back quickly enough. I am still waiting for the goat shelter to be built-so I can buy the goats. I am still waiting for the fencing man to get back to me and the gardeners with their plan. The only people who get back in a timely fashion are the solar guys who all want to sell $40k solar systems.
Rain Washes The Windows
Sometimes I have a waking nightmare that by buying goats and chickens and creating a kitchen garden there is something oddly Michael Jackson about me. It was just a fleeting thought..