The day Sex Rehab airs I read twitter posts avidly. East coast viewers are the first to start letting me know the content of each episode. Today, for instance, I know that Kari Ann’s Miss Teen America tiara arrives in the Rehab. A request I made of her so I could wear it. I have always wanted to wear a Miss America crown. The irony is not lost on me. The gaudy iconography of a teen queen. As soon as I knew Kari Ann I wanted her crown. I have no idea if my requests will be screened but she really had no intention of bringing the crown into rehab until I demanded it.
Consequently Kari Ann taught me how to walk like a Princess, answer teen queen catwalk questions, sang the pageant anthem as I sashayed around the rehab garden wearing her crown. I loved it so much. I loved her crown even though it was a bit beaten up-when they took away her title she had thrown it at the wall.
Don’t you just love that scene in the movie when the teen queen throws her crown at the wall? It’s a great scene.
“Miss teen America is founded on the principle that the future of our world is dependent upon the leadership qualities of today’s youth. We believe that involvement in community service should be both encouraged and rewarded. We further believe that in order to become a strong leader a young woman must be a well-rounded individual. She must challenge herself scholastically, she must be poised, and she must be comfortable with herself in respect to her learned and natural talents. She must possess a strong desire to effect a change in her world, and to set an example for others to do the same. In the spirit of competition, she must be gracious. With this in mind, we provide the forum for young women to challenge themselves to be their best, and we reward them for their efforts.”
Poor Kari Ann, how was she ever going to be all the above snorting meth every day? Engaging in soft pornography and making sex tapes with Rebecca Gayheart? The problem is: she was a nice normal girl before LA bit her in her fat ass.
Gloria Steinham might disagree. Feminists might say that she is merely empowering herself. I doubt it though. Jenny Ketcham is empowering herself. She is an American Writer and will only grow in stature and relevance. Kari Ann will become even more irrelevant than she already is.
As much as she was a pain in the ass I really became fond of Kari Ann. I know that this might be hard to believe but when you get to truly ‘know’ a person-regardless of wether you ever see them again-they tend to linger in your heart.
When Kari Ann wasn’t teaching me how to be a Miss Teen America I was teaching James how to knit-which he took too with some gusto. My grandmother taught me how to knit when I was five years old. The surfer dude was a joy to teach.
Fuck! I hate how the editors have edited Sex Rehab. It’s a pile of shit.
Update. Eric, Jenny, Justin and I went to b’day party in Santa Monica. It was situated in a dance studio. There were gays for me to goad and straights for me to tease. We left before midnight. I slept well. Strangely the little dog preferred to sleep on the sofa. Whilst we were at the party Luna stayed in the bathroom with her bone and damage, when I returned, was minimal. I think it gave the little dog some time away from Luna’s frantic puppy behavior too.
Did not fret about blood clots. In fact, gave them very little thought all day.
More will be revealed.