Archives for posts with tag: Julian Assange

The dog sleeps by my side, I worry that I might roll on him in the night and kill him.  Or, in a dream, I dismember him then wake up and he is dismembered.

As a very young child I worried that I had torn a dress to pieces that belonged to my mother.

I convinced myself that I had stolen the dress from her wardrobe, torn the dress, trying to make it fit me.

The shame of shredding it lived with me for decades.  One day, some time in my 40’s, I confessed to her.  I told her what I had done.  She laughed, the dress had been her sisters, she had returned the dress.

The woolen crepe feel of it, the silk lining, the dark blue flowers lifted like brocade on the darker blue surface.  The dream, the scissors, the cutting, trying to make it fit….me.

It was a dream.

You know that every word I write is being read by the police, by the brunette DA?  By the ‘victim’s’ lawyers?  They trawl this blog for evidence.  Did I just prove how ‘dark and creepy’ I really am?

In another dream the DA is wearing suspenders and a bra, panties (crotchless) a wet gash, slipping herself onto her much older husband’s giant cock.   She glances at the bible that sits primly on the bedside table and kicks it off.  Her ankle bracelet (an anniversary gift) catches the light, her Christian name written in gold.

Her children are sleeping in another room.  Oblivious.

These are the dreams I didn’t have in jail.  I could not dream.

Another marathon press session yesterday.  This time a fearless woman made it up the mountain.  Blond, slim, attractive.  I asked her who would play her in the movie of her life.  Jodi Foster.  Good choice.

I often wonder, when I am having an out-of-body experience, out of my life for a moment experience…what the hell is happening?

A four-hour interview.  After she left I fell into bed and slept deeply until Kevin arrived.   He chauffeured me into Venice, for dinner with Anna at Axe (where I once made a beautiful boy wear agent provocateur underwear and blow me in the bathroom…)  We ate everything on the menu: the flat bread and the crab and the boiled beef with polenta.  Anna drank a bottle of wonderful white wine, I envied her so much.  I wanted to taste it.  To feel the effect of the wine on my body and mind.  To take a few hours off.

When the sun sets, the nights are chilly, cold enough for a scarf.

After dinner a Mormon arrived from the internet.  We could not keep our hands off of each other.  I slipped my hands up under his coat onto his warm belly.  I kissed him on his lips.  He smiled coyly.  28 years in the closet, 28 years yearning for this.  Yes, he was the Mormon boy you see dressed in a suit wearing a badge, looking like a talent agent.

He’s out there experimenting, meeting men, feeling his way into a gay life.

At home we fell into bed and I found myself giving into him, becoming uncharacteristically submissive.  He came three times.  He didn’t lose his erection in between.  I couldn’t stop kissing him.  I made him mark my neck.  I made him bite me.

Sucking the spit out of his mouth.  The cum out of his cock.

The twins arrived home at 2.30am.  He had long gone.

The silent house.  I lay in bed and listened to my breath fill my lungs.  Enjoying the sensation of being alive.  A sensation I have had often since I left the jail.  I have been so alive since they shat me out of the MCJ. Walk through that door and you’ll be free.

The jail has restored my faith in humanity?  You wanted to know how so?

Because I met men in there, undeserving black men, paying the price with dignity. Because it made me re-evaluate everything.

(He brought me a bunch of hyacinths, the pungent fragrance fills the room.)

I have met extraordinary men and women since I left the jail.  Men and women who restored my faith in America. The USA.  Brilliant, humblingly brilliant minds working to free the men I knew (and men like them) from a barbaric life in an American jail.

This is the Newtonian ‘equal and opposite’ reaction to the life I had before I passed imperceptibly into my dotage, my serious…third life.

Picasso was hot, even when he was 70.”  he said.

The people I am meeting, the places I am visiting are so startlingly different from the life you thought I aspired.  I find myself in dingy offices down town.  Understanding obscure laws.  Recasting myself.  Relishing the next interview.  I am useful at last.  I am useful to them.  Useful for changing laws, illegal protocols…and people are listening.  I am being heard…it feels good.

You see what they did to Julian Assange?  They will try to do that to me.  They will discredit me.  They will try.  Scurrilously, meticulously, evidentially.  They will tell you that I can’t be trusted.  When the moment…that moment we have all been waiting for, the moment before the curtain rises, when the audience hushed, the lights have dimmed.

That moment is fast approaching.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writer Michael Gastor collected me and the injured Little Dog from the Malibu house at midday and we drove east.

He has been in Berlin writing a script for a German director about Julian Assange.  I am toying with moving to Berlin in December.  He had a great time there.  I’m sure I would too.

We stopped at American Rag and bought wrapping paper and a birthday card for Transformers Producer Tom Desanto.  Tom’s birthday pool party thrown by his friend Adam Press.  He seemed pleased with the gifts.  Books from my personal collection that he had admired last week.

We arrived early…before the beautiful, half-naked boys began playing beer pong.

I was dressed for the next event so looked like a total freak.  I wore the hat I bought for Jake at Lanvin last summer.  My futuristic Helmut Lang shirt was commented on but not, I think, admired.  Everyone else in board shorts and…and nothing much else.  Chatted to a couple of really cool kids.   Managed, of course, to locate the only straight boy and settled into a long, fruitless conversation.

Michael played pool and drank whiskey.  The host was charming and sweet.  Dane arrived.  Huh?  How did that happen?

Our birthday parties couldn’t have been more different.  Somebody bought him a 6 foot inflatable penis.

Really glad I made the effort and hauled my ass over there.  Good God!  Who knew that there were so many beautiful, young actor boys with perfect bodies?   Toby arrived with his new squeeze.

Apparently Bryan Singer turned up just after we left.

At 3pm (in the blazing sun) we drove to another pool party.  John and Valoree Papsidera’s ‘Paws‘ fundraiser at his office ‘compound’ downtown.  The offices are an ex-swimming club that he has beautifully renovated.  This man has exquisite taste.  His art collection…to die for.  Some great names: Clemente, Judd, Pettibon and the most gorgeous George Condo.  I am newly converted to Condo.

John Papsidera is king.

John Papsidera

Of course, John can attract a glittering Young Hollywood crowd.  Jason Ritter (super sexy), Zach Quinto (super cool), Drew Barrymore, Olivia Wilde, Molly SimsMalin Akerman, Gavin Polone (owns The Waffle with John), Amber Heard , Alicia Silverstone, Olivia Munn, Jules Daly, Rainn Wilson, Ali Larter, Hayes MacArthurTalulah Riley, Elon Musk, Dwight Yoakam.

Chatted recovery and Dr Drew with Drew Pinsky‘s Love Line side kick, the devilishly handsome Psycho Mike (Michael Catherwood).  He was in Dancing with the Stars….Valoree produces that show.

Is Psycho Mike Gay?

Olivia Munn joined Psycho Mike and I.

He said, “You are the hardest working woman in Hollywood.”  (unfortunate choice of words)

I said, “Oh, that sounds good, what are you doing?”

Olivia snapped, “If you don’t know who I am, you don’t need to know who I am.”

I smiled wryly.

Her mouth twisted into a sneer and she gracelessly recited her IMDB credits.   I thought, the problem with you dear Olivia…you have no poise.

Chatted with a woman called Suzanne from Hidden Hills whose daughter was dating the most delicious boy.  A singer and guitar player.  A feast for the eyes.

I hadn’t realized that my great friend Manu is married to the gorgeous Kim Raver.

Totally adored Zach Quinto who, of course, we saw in Angels in America.  We talked AIDS, his new film, his producing.  That boy is a fucking star.

Fell in ‘boy love’ with Jason Ritter.  Those eyes…those beautiful blue eyes.

I flirted with boys.  Michael chased girls…we had a blast.

We left at 7ish for a fish and chip dinner with Henri then home to the coyote infested garden.

Robby booked his first big commercial this weekend so am dying to hear all about it.

Tracy Emin, the crazy talentless British ‘artist’ has been adopted by the Tory party and has dinner with Prime Minister Cameron.  WTF?  Her work installed at 10 Downing Street.  Her ugly mug pressed onto Cameron’s flacid pink cheek.

Greenpeace demonstrating against Esso. March, ...

Image via Wikipedia

Dinner with Jason, Jennifer, Hilary and Rex Weyler.

What an incredible man!

I will let you discover who he is and what he does.

Discussed his film…the film he wants to make with Viggo Mortensen about the creation of and how he co-founded Greenpeace.

We discussed potential directors and (rather unusually) how much a film like this might cost.  Can one really justify spending 50 million dollars on a film?  Really?

Naturally we discussed Egypt and how when the people speak governments are forced to take notice.  We congratulated Julian Assange.  We mourned the dead in Bahrain.  We wondered about Israel.

The demonstrations in Madison Wisconsin are particularly heartening as are the angry British protestors who are presently targeting Barclay’s bank over claims of tax avoidance.

Is this Glenn Beck’s ‘coming insurrection’?  Let’s hope so.

Ultimately the question one has to ask ones self is:  Am I prepared to take a bullet for what I believe?

I told him that I knew people who were oblivious of what was going on in Egypt.  In fact more than half of all Americans were not aware of what was happening in Egypt.

Why are people not more inquisitive?

I love wiki leaks for this reason:  It’s like getting to hear what everyone ever said about you behind your back…confirming exactly what you thought they might be saying.

Today…I had lunch with Tom, his wife, daughter and assorted friends.

I am now in bed with the most terrible flu so here are some pictures.  Lunch was delicious.  Conversation amusing.  Children delightful.   Discussed Scott Crolla.

Tom’s Garden

Tom’s Garden

Sir Tom and Lady Croft

me

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