My friend Ashley moved in last night. She arrived with Thai food and a pillow.
Almost immediately felt a trillion times better about everything. Being on my own is not good for me. Just me and my head. We lit a huge fire, watched interesting film clips on my computer and life felt a great deal better.
The marine layer shrouded the house all night so everything this morning is wet and sparkling. The gray light, as I have said a million times, suits all the colours here in the house.
I get my watch back today, the big gold one I broke last year but forgot to pick up. I should fetch my grandfather’s ring that is still in repair.
I bought a family box of food from my friend Jennifer’s company Out of the Box Collective which arrives Saturday week. She has sourced the best of what is available from local farms including organic meats, vegetables and raw milk/yogurt etc. I am really excited about this!
Three of us living up here cooking great food, making art and doing what humans do..supporting one another..and I don’t mean through bad times but supporting one another to do the best of what we can possibly do.
The great thing about Ashley is her connection to everything happening in the new arts here in LA. Performance, film etc. We watched clips of things on YouTube that inspire us. She showed me a really interesting animation/performance that I loved.
I understood that I had not just isolated myself from people but from my life blood..art. I simply stopped going to anything. I stopped turning up. To have a life in the arts you have to be present. For nine long months I have been a dead man. Jake became my life and the poor lamb head just couldn’t be my life.
Manhunt date number 4 was a funny latino boy. 27 years old and HIV positive. Hmmm. We didn’t have much to say so he left. He was a bit pissed that he had driven all this way and didn’t get any.
I feel so much better about everything.
Suddenly all of my anxiety, obsession and resentment has slipped away…at least for the time being.
This morning I thought about writing which I have not thought about for a long, long time. Just having someone around keeps me focused.
Let him have his life and I will have mine. I wish we could have had a kind goodbye.
You see, I went from having a dear, dear friend to having nothing…whilst he was surrounded by his family. Never on his own. A family to fall back on. I had nothing. When I lived in Whitstable the people there, they were my family for good and for bad. I just had to step outside of my front door and I would engage with people who had known me all my life.
I saw a property for sale today in England that I can’t stop thinking about. Hastings is a small British seaside town. I have always really loved it. There’s a house there that looks amazing. Huge. Lots of space.
You see! Already my head is in a different, more positive place. Just wait until Anna arrives and we will be cooking, as they say, with gas.
At 8 this morning Jason popped by with Lily (my god-daughter) and her brother Max for breakfast. Hot chocolate. I think this maybe a regular event as they have an hour to kill most mornings between dropping the kids off at their various schools.
Somebody asked me what I seek in a man. I think he wanted to know about sex but I replied: intelligence, wit, kindness, fortitude, patience.
Have a great day everybody!