I am tired of selfish boys. Tired of his jet-black hair. Tired of waiting. Tired of mistress censorship.
I want to see Amanda, Tim and banter; with Simon Finch and hold my nose in the air.
I want to stroll down Old Bond St in my red suede boots, visiting Patrick in Hanover Square.
I want to smoke cigarettes in West London with Katrina. Let me ride horses in Hyde Park with Martha; explore electrical hardware stores with Toby and Arthur. Clandestine giggles with Joe and Adam and Eve, cottage amusements with George.
The train to Bromley and Chatham through the Garden of Eden. Where the Thames meets the Medway and the Swale beyond.
I am tired of you because I don’t trust you, but I know very well what it is to lie to some one you say that you love. To meet in some dark, wet guinnel, to feel your warm body under your navy blue coat. To feel your lips and always your lips.
Oh I miss you so much my darling hometown, and wish you invited me Whitstable style. Up on the downs overlooking the sea. Turbines, the horizon that chased me away. I have arrangements with banks to consider and beg that homeland security take me away so decisions are easier where no choice is to stay. Wholesale foreclosure, redistribution of wealth.
Take me. Take me away.
I am tired of selfish boys with raven black hair and myself in every one of them. Just you. I met just you.
Let me forget these people, struggling with prosperity and stemming the tide. Seeking solution and tanning the hide. Let me go home. Let me go home. The 12 step recovery clichés that keep me in purgatory with less time to go than one hundred years of perfect sobriety. Oh please send me home to smoky church halls and WI and no multi-malls. Remind me of jet beads stitched onto her bodice, of peplums and bagels and tottenham forest.
I am TIRED of you showing me men that are hot, hotter than me or you for that matter. I am tired of boasting to keep us alive, to stimulate interest and punish my precious child. I am naked before you my darling creator. This and more like it is all I can offer.
So take me away with you darling Ophelia on the Thames and the Medway and the Swale far beyond.